Introverted Socializing--in Charlotte

I have been swamped with work, inundated with company, and generally dealing with "stuff" and once again my blog has suffered. In the lull, I got this nice comment which I reposted here:

Hi Meghan. I am an introvert and so is my boyfriend. We would like to
meet other people, but we get overwhelmed by extroverts. We live in Charlotte, too!, and I wondered if you knew any good places to meet like minded souls? --Thanks!Rebecca

I thought I would write out my answer in this regular section--answers to comments are sometimes lost in the shuffle, and also I think this is a great one, from which others may benefit.

Rebecca wants to meet other people but, like so many introvert... those extroverted people can be overwhelming. So how do you meet new people? Especially in a place like Charlotte, where so many people a "newcomers."

The answer to where, depends a lot on your lifestyle. If you are single or even married but young and child-less you can usually grab a friend, (or not) and go to a coffee shop and maybe strike up a conversation with someone in line. This sometimes works, sometimes not--but at least there is no strange discomfort because either they leave or sit alone--and it is just coffee - so it is not a big deal. And... there are always new people coming in!

Along the same lines, I know that sometimes groups will meet in the evenings at bookstores for a "game night." People bring old board or card games (Monopoly, UNO, scrabble, chess, etc.) and sit in their little "cafes" or side tables. I am not sure if there is a group here that meets regularly or not - but I always loves this idea. Usually they meet on a Friday or Saturday night--when the outgoing types were out drinking and listening to loud music all squished together on a dance floor. The introverts I know felt like they got to "go out" but they also met new people in a relaxed, laid back place. If there isn't a group like this already - I recommend starting one. I will even see if I can host something like this when I do book signings starting in Oct/Nov.

My next idea is Craigslist. There is a section for "platonic" relationships and I have looked at this a few times. Now, a word of warning: like all "online meeting" be careful. There are definitely people who will misrepresent themselves. But I met one of my very good friends here in Charlotte on Craigslist.

Another great place to meet other introverts is in your neighborhood. Now here it helps to have an extroverted kid on this one--I have to admit. My 4-year-old on a recent walk, took it upon himself to introduce us to a family up the street who where playing. They have two boys near his age and instantly we had commonality...the primary building block for relationship. Now we get together regularly. If you don't have an introverted pre-schooler on hand--I find that an annoyingly extroverted best friend is helpful. They usually make a point of meeting your neighbors before you do, and as long as you aren't overly freaked out--you might as well take advantage of the opening.

If you are a small business owner, or in sales, I recommend a group like BNI. There are groups all over the country, and the agenda lends itself to an introvert's comfort level while exposing them to several new people. The benefits are two-fold since this group is designed to help your business grow, but it also allows you to make many great contacts...and friends.

Other than that, I will sometimes use the "buddy method"--increasing my circle by inviting someone I know to invite a friend over for drinks, or dessert. Sometimes we meet out as well - again at a coffee shop, or a Panera Bread. Easy and casual is the way to go on this.

One last suggestion, especially if you have kids, is to go to Blakeney on Friday and Saturday nights in the summer. They have a free "concert" of sorts with local musicians. The place is always packed, but since it is outside, it isn't overly uncomfortable. This is a good place to bring the kids since you can let them play on the playground or run around in the open grass area. The restaurants there serve wine and beer, you can grab ice cream, or Starbucks. The perfect place to meet people, or hang out with new friends. I know a bunch of plaza's in town do this, but Blakeney is the only one I know of with a little park too.

Those are just a few ideas I have for meeting people for introverts--but the best advice I can give is to keep at it. As adults it gets more difficult to connect and become friends, but the rewards are so worth it. Friendships are profoundly fulfilling--and I wish you all the best of luck.

-Meg

Meghan Wier
Author Writer Web Consultant

Are Introverts Weak?

I have spent the week with one of the most extroverted friends I have.

I have had a wonderful time with my very good friend, but after a week of being drawn into long conversations with multiple waitresses, tour guides, and strangers on the street... I am looking forward to a couple days of pulling that wall down in front of me and hiding behind my computer screen, in my quiet peaceful house.

All this got me to thinking that perhaps introverts are a little weak. Or at least perhaps we are perceived as weak. After all, why else would a human being need to nap/sit in a dark room after just going out and being with people?

I have needed this a lot this week.

My friends who know about my occasional aversion to profuse social interaction try to be empathetic--asking me over and over, "are you OK?" "Do you want to go take a walk?" "Do you want some alone time?" during our time out together.

In a way I appreciate their concern, they love me. But all the attention makes it worse! Please don't think of me as fragile. Please don't make a big deal about how I "feel." Please just let me be strong - capable--let me be the me I need to be when I am out with people. All this coddling makes me feel like you don't respect me, don't think I am able to function, or that you see me as "less" than you... In a way you are making me weak, or seem weak, to those around us.

I am quirky maybe- but I am not weak.

After giving it a lot of thought I came to this conclusion: introverts may need to take a "time out" from the hustle and bustle... maybe even a nap. And you can think of this as a fault if you would like. But the thing that makes an introvert "weak" is also the thing that makes us strong... We are able to "heal" ourselves. Being alone, or quiet, or less "outgoing"--or even just introspective, gives us back the energy that we lose, and the strength to move on. Extroverts by comparison have a harder time making themselves happier, calmer, more "together" -- they need other people to validate them, support them, bring them joy.

While we all need others to feel love and respect, introvert and extroverts manage social interactions differently. We in fact both have our strengths and weaknesses. I may be perceived as weaker because I need more time to myself, but because I get this... I am stronger!


Meghan Wier
Author Writer Web Consultant

The Introverted Vegetarian

I got a bad review on Amazon today. I am still trying to figure out how I feel about it. The fact of the matter is, the reviewer is right. She said the book is "missing some meat" and "missing something that ties it all together." I will agree with the "meat" part. The book is not an in-depth study of introversion. It is a real-life guide from a real life introvert. If you want meat - I recommend Dr. Marty Laney's book. It is similar to mine with the meat.

Of course mine is funnier.

It is "Bring Your Baby to Starbucks Day" here at the Ballantyne Starbucks in Charlotte. There are three people (men and women -- so I know it isn't just a "mommy" thing) with their table-top-tots happily sleeping through their parent's caffeine fix this morning. I feel like I need one too. Luckily for me it is also "wear your black velour track-suit pajamas day" here, and I at least did that. I am half-cool. They should offer us discounts.